my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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