Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
