Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
