your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
