so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
