yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
