im six kinds of drunk right now
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
