he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
