I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize