And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
