I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
