what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
