I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
