I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
