The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
