wanna go halves on a baby?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
