So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
