Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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