the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
