his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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