4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
