My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
