Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
