She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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