is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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