I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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