i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
