he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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