im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
