Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize