Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
