On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
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