I never want to see another naked old woman again.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
