I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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