Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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