Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
