Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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