My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
