everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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