Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize