I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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