Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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