I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
