ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
