i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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