So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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