I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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