she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
