take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize