i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
