I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
