What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
