God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
