Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
