I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
