sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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