I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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