i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
