I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Randomize
