My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
please don't ironically join a cult
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