a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
