hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
