Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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