I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
