Me. At least after what I've been through.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
