now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
