Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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